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Archive for the ‘Mother ‘Hood’ Category

People We Love

I will be taking a break from blogging to mourn the passing of my father.

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So, it’s been nine months since my baby was born… and I still have about twelve pounds to lose. All right in my belly. I’m like a skinny person with a huge belly-fat tumor. I shouldn’t joke about such things I suppose, but I am considering making some extra Christmas cash by joining the staff at Santa’s (Macy’s) Workshop.

And… painfully, I just saw a friend who I hadn’t seen since she was seven months pregnant, who now has a three-month old. She has already lost all the weight. I told her how amazingly stick-bug skinny she looks, and she said, “I know! And imagine, with the first one, it took me two years to lose all the weight!” Then she laughed maniacally. I cried later, in the closet, with my bottle of Chenin Blanc.

So, I’m giving myself another two months or so… but then I’m considering a tummy tuck. And that’s that.

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Several options await… but don’t await too long or the good ones will be gone!

TuTu Moi is pricey, but these are some classy princess styles! Also have dresses for Mom. And lots of their stuff can actually be worn as real dresses… you know she’ll want to wear it all day anyhow.

Tutu Moi comes in many sizes.

Simply Princess, by Little Adventures.

Wishing Wear has Wizard Costumes as well…

Princess Expressions (find on Amazon) includes all the frippery, and has an affordable price tag,

Pottery Barn stuff is actually pretty good. They have infant costumes for about thirty dollars; which isn’t too bad. You can also make a costume yourself, of course. With all that extra time you have…

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Just heard on Red Tricycle about this new “mini-retreat” for moms thing by local gal Amy Tirion. Here’s a link to the article. It’s like a three hour getaway thing during the week and includes “light” yoga, mini massages, meditation, snacks, journaling. Anyhow, yeah that sounds nice.

But seriously? I’m going to pay $160 for a four-week session, then more to hire a babysitter so I can go doodle? Are you people insane? I’d rather have someone take my kid for an hour and have a massage. From a professional.

* Please note I have NOT attended a workshop, and this is NOT a review.

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Apple/Tree

Are you mine?

I remember a day

confusion and joy, pain

when you came

I think you’re

mine

even if you don’t

look like me.

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This afternoon as I was walking into a meeting, I saw that I had missed a call from our substitute nanny (our regular nanny is at Burning Man). I backed into the hallway and hit the “speaker” button on my new iphone and listened as my sub-nanny said, “Kara had a fall…”

Through my hysterical sobbing, I heard that the sub-nanny put Kara into her pak n’ play, which has an insert for infant sleeping (it sits about ten inches below the top of the pak n’ play). I had advised her in the morning that Kara was sitting up on her own now, and to be careful, but I guess she just wasn’t thinking. Kara pulled herself up and fell out, doing a complete forward flip onto the back of her head.

Needless to say, we spent the evening in the ER. The doctors say she seems fine. We’ve been told to wake her every three hours to check on her.

If I ever needed a horse tranquilizer, it’s tonight.

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Forget G, PG, PG-13, even XXX. Forget it. I need an M for Mom rating.

My Mom-Rated system would be as follows:

MA (Mom Acceptable): This rating would include romantic comedies, coming-of-age stories, everything Tom Hanks has ever made, and would be epitomized by the film Homeward Bound.

MB (Mom Beware): This rating would include most sci-fi, horror, and all the independent films that think it’s interesting to have a child or young adult drown, fall down a flight of stairs, or kill themselves in the course of the film.  Obviously, anything by Quentin Tarantino gets an the MB rating.

MC (Mom Caution): This rating would include films that cross the boundary into Mom-horror-moments, like the wonderful but sad film My Girl. Basically, it would be a rating that says, “look, it’s a good movie, but bring your tissues, and forget about seeing it when you’re pregnant or PMS.”

My Mom-Rating System (patent pending) was inspired by a horror-of-a-date-night where we went to see the highly touted, Sundance-film festival winner Animal Kingdom. This film is about the worst film a new mom could possibly see. SPOILER ALERT! It included the following:

Mom overdosing on heroin while son looked on

Father of new baby being blown away by corrupt police

Teen daughter being forcibly injected with heroin and then being smothered

Grandmother hiring killer to off her grandson

Seriously? This is the film that’s garnered such great reviews? I don’t care what Kingdom we all come from; there’s no way I inhabit the same one as these people.

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