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When we were little girls, my best friend and I used to make the triple good luck cross. You know, we saw it first demonstrated on the Parent Trap. Now, I make that every time I put my baby down to sleep: please sleep, please sleep, please, please, please.

Today I make it because she has finally started sleeping for a bit longer. For three days in a row. Triple cross!

So, you should know that I have always been a little nutty. I worry too much, and am anxious too often. But since having a baby, it’s been increasingly hard to stop negative thoughts from intruding into my mind.

Mostly I worry that I will kill the baby. Secondly, I worry that something will happen to my husband. Right now, I’m worried that he will die in a plane crash, as he’s to take a private plane next week for work. And, we’re having inclement weather. I’m practically convinced his plane will go down. Am I insane, or what?

One of the topics I cover in my advanced composition classes is crime. Statistics say (according to the American Psychological Association) that children who watch a lot television are (by age thirty) more likely to commit a crime and to have been in jail than children who did not watch a lot of television. They define “a lot” as more than seven hours a week.

Knowing this, I have always said that we’ll be a no-T.V.-until-age-five house. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

I am already watching television while wearing my daughter in her sling. I swear the only thing keeping me sane are the last few episodes of Battlestar Gallactica and my new favorite series, True Blood. I probably won’t let her watch much television in the future, but clearly, this is no time for idealism.

So, isn’t it amazing how their smiles make all the insanity worthwhile? My daughter has started smiling, and cooing in response to things I say, and it’s so darn cute. I took a video so I could watch when she’s a pill… it might just save her little life!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V7GoSai5Kd8

When he swaddles, her arms get out and bonk her in the face and wake her up. When he puts on a cloth diaper, he places it too low and her bum (and everything it produces) falls out. When he puts her down to sleep, he forgets the fully-awake-or-fully-asleep rule, and she wakes up in two minutes.

At first (in sleep deprivation, true) I was convinced that he was doing everything wrong so that I would have to do it for him and he could go back to sleep or to his dinner or to his sport stats on the T.V.

But now I realize he’s just as clueless as I was at first. Men are slow learners. And I’ve had more practice. At least he keeps trying. Trying, trying. Trying.

She goes in for the screaming baby! The baby’s really wailing, but she bounces, she jiggles, she shushes! And, she’s moving into changing position, and–OH, NO! It’s a fumble! –But there it is yes, she has the baby! Pass completion!

Yes, I totally dropped my baby the other day. Well, she slipped out of my arms but then caught her. I fumbled her.

My brother, when he was about three months old, rolled off the changing table and onto his head. He’s in medical school now. I think it’ll be OK.

So, far I have racked up a three hundred dollar bill on Amazon for my panicky night purchases. In desperation, I have bought: miracle blankets, Babywise, Girlfriend’s Guide to the First Year, Baby Whisperer, What to Expect… first year, Baby Bliss, and special no-air bottles.

If this child doesn’t start sleeping a little longer, Mommy is going to go broke.

You would think it would be easy to do, right? They EAT, then they are ACTIVE, then they SLEEP. That’s the schedule. Super easy.

HA! My kid falls asleep after feeding regularly! Can I wake her up? No way! Not for lack of trying, that’s for sure. Right now, she is sleeping because after she was fed, she then spit up her entire meal. I would be tired too, so I didn’t work that hard to wake her up.

How important is it to keep your kid on a schedule? For me, it’s very important because rather than “normal” breastfeeding, I pump milk and feed it to her in a bottle. If I don’t have two hours (at least) between pumpings, I don’t produce enough milk for a feeding. So all of her sleeping at the wrong time is really drivign me crazy.

There are a hundred conclusions for the above phrase, but the one I’m most surprised at is–why didn’t anyone tell me what to do with my baby? The book Babywise, which uses nice simple language and seems pretty intuitive, says you’re to FEED the child, then PLAY with the child, then let them NAP. In the Baby Whisperer, she uses the acronym EASY for Eat, Activity, Sleep (and You for you time.)

Wouldn’t this have been pretty easy to mention to a new mom–say in the hospital? You might want to feed her, then keep her up, then put her down. Two seconds. I have been doing this totally wrong for way too long. Of course, now that I’m doing it “right” she still isn’t sleeping through the night, but whatever…

My diaper is bigger than I am!

I have signed up for Tiny Tots diaper service, which is the premier service in the San Francisco Bay Area. Everyone recommended them, including the hospital. I think they’re OK.

There is a ton to recommend cloth: it’s good for the environment, they pick up/drop off right to your door, you can charge monthly to your credit card, and cloth diapers are nice on babies skin and don’t cause cancer.

However, there are some drawbacks.

First, there are quite a few initial and some ongoing expenses associated with cloth diapering. First, you need a diaper pail that is usable for cloth diapers (of course we had another, not acceptable, kind). Second, you need to purchase the covers for the diapers (if you want them–it is strongly recommended). And third, as baby grows, you need new velcro diaper covers in larger sizes.

Second, the diapers are more difficult and more time-consuming to put on. You fold the cloth diaper, secure it with a stretchy-clip thing, then wrap the whole thing in the diaper cover and secure that with velcro. And, they make your kid’s butt look HUGE.

Third, the diapers smell. Yes, they do. If you can’t smell it, good for you, but I sure can.

Fourth, and perhaps most disturbing, with cloth diapers, your baby has wetness right against his or her skin. That may be more OK with a boy than with a girl–as we have found. Our daughter does not like being wet, so if she is (even if she just went down for a nap ten minutes before) she wakes up, and cries. So sad for everyone.

So, the verdict is: cloth diapers during daytime/ playtime hours because they are least likely to cause cancer, et cetera. Then Seventh Generation (despite the paper bag thing) at nap time and nighttime, because they are second least likely to cause cancer, et cetera.

I’ll be trying gdiapers in the next few months, and will report on those in the future. Too pricey for now!

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